113 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
113 lines
9.7 KiB
Plaintext
{\rtf1\ansi\deff0{\fonttbl{\f0\fnil Helvetica;}}
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\f0\fs24 Scene: Scene 10\par
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Model: anthropic/claude-sonnet-4.6\par
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Character UUIDs: 46F0331E-D357-4989-8FC2-3D7D62BCA2D7,F90ECDD8-FBB2-44D5-96A5-EC16818FF442,497498CD-85FE-48E9-B852-18E043365DB6,6C5E6DB4-1A28-408B-BDF9-B3C09F5F1733,9D202BFB-AFF3-4C37-8BEB-E46D5CDE4D30,131DF043-CF40-4C70-B3BB-15CABC26383E,4C148851-817E-40D3-89A9-DBB93CA82C25,D9A89DE0-558A-46FC-B52C-60D538991268,F3A0BCE3-9F1F-4EB2-9490-F185AF944E53,EC970280-C7C1-4B26-B531-4D083A6626FB,DE370E46-CBAB-4C99-9D5F-45FF0AA2FAEE,CA099051-6C98-4DFF-BCFF-86B96AC3B704,E3BCC7D7-8DBC-4A37-AFCE-73851FCFD0CA,703B03BF-51F9-4BEA-A388-126886494B96\par
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Accepted for editing: 2026-08-27T16:59:52-05:00\par
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\par
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### STYLE\par
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The style of the novel is in the style but not substance of Ken Follett. Each scene is in third person from the perspective of one of the characters.\par
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\par
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### LEXICON\par
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(none)\par
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\par
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### STORY\par
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From Elikapeka's viewpoint at the kitchen window, the final half-hour before Emma's party begins sees logistics resolved (tiki torches placed, chairs sourced by Jorge, Bobby Carpenter proving unexpectedly gifted at welcoming arrivals), the Hayes cousins immediately causing pool chaos upon arrival, Emma absorbing the day's accumulated negotiations and concessions before stepping outside to claim the afternoon on her own terms, and the first guest car arriving as Elikapeka, steadied by Susan's competent company and the sight of Andy at ease in the yard, sets down her cup and declares herself ready.\par
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\par
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At Emma's pool party, Lizzie\u8212?ordinarily bookless and reluctant\u8212?is deliberately positioned by Hannah Eliot and introduced to Will Fontaine, a sun-blonde, blue-eyed boy whose presence triggers Lizzie's first-ever involuntary romantic awareness; their immediate, unguarded argument about Tom Bombadil and the Council of Elrond reveals a rare intellectual compatibility that dissolves her anxiety, leaving them mid-debate beside the pool, the prior version of Lizzie\u8212?defined by detachment and her book\u8212?quietly retired, and the nature of their connection still unresolved but clearly begun.\par
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\par
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### CHARACTERS\par
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Andy Hayes\par
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Father and husband. Works as an aviation maintenance technician at American Airlines out of the Fort Lauderdale Airport. Is a union member with nearly 30 years of experience. Scratch golfer. Large extended family, two brothers and a sister live nearby. Tall and handsome. Goes by Andrew (Andy). Tall, handsome, sun-darkened face with a creased look and gray beginning at the temples. Recently started wearing reading glasses.\par
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\par
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Elikapeka Hayes\par
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Wife of Andy Hayes, of Hawaiian origin. Stay at home mom. (eh-lee-la-PEH-ka)\par
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\par
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Ella Hayes\par
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Oldest daughter. To be a high school senior. Highly skilled golfer looking for a college golf scholarship. Tall, haughty, proud, smart. Prefers male friends to female friends. Has never dated and rarely attends parties or after school activities other than golf. Taught golf primarily by her father, a scratch golfer. Daddy\u8217?s girl. Usually impatient with others and likes to play fast.\par
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\par
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Emma Hayes\par
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Middle daughter. High school junior. Social butterfly with dozens of friends.\par
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\par
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Elizabeth (Lizzie) Hayes\par
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Youngest daughter. High school freshman. Bookish girl, very pretty, very shy.\par
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\par
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Bobby Carpenter\par
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Best golfer on the boy\u8217?s high school team and Ella\u8217?s perpetual weekend playing partner. Forever in Ella\u8217?s friend zone.\par
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Age seventeen. Tall, rangy build, still growing into himself. Natural athlete with an effortless ball-striking grace; hits irons on a flat, boring trajectory with a draw.\par
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\par
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Mai Lin Wen\par
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Emma\u8217?s best friend and always up for lounging in the pool at Emma\u8217?s house.\par
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\par
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Alex Carpenter\par
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Father of Bobby Carpenter. Lean man with a quiet humor. Repairs cars for a living. Plays golf to approximately a two handicap. Regular weekend playing partner of Andy Hayes in the same group as their children.\par
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\par
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Susanna Barnes\par
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Friend of Emma Hayes. Varsity cheerleader since sophomore year. Maintains a thorough mental catalog of every boy in their class and takes anything involving boys with focused, game-day intensity. Brisk and efficient when going through names. First person Emma called when building the boys list for her party.\par
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\par
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Hannah Eliot\par
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Peer of Emma Hayes, maintained by Emma as a frenemy for strategic reasons. Comes from significant money with its own social gravitational field; moves through high school social life accordingly. Emma finds her exhausting in the way overly confident people are exhausting. Unavoidable, like weather.\par
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\par
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Daniel Park\par
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Quiet boy recommended by Mai Lin Wen for Emma's party guest list. Described by Mai Lin as extremely interesting and very good-looking.\par
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\par
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Harrison Webb\par
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A senior, suggested by Hannah Eliot for Emma's party guest list.\par
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\par
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Susan Carpenter\par
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Wife of Alex Carpenter and mother of Bobby Carpenter. Competent, decisive, and low on surplus motion; a trusted presence in the Hayes household.\par
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\par
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Michelle Hayes\par
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Andy Hayes's sister-in-law, arriving with the Hayes cousins Travis, Corey, and Derek for Emma's party. Warm and affectionate.\par
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\par
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### RECALL\par
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(none)\par
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\par
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### PREVIOUS\par
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"She's like\u8212?" He gestured at the party generally, at Emma's orbit visible across the water. "A different person."\par
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\par
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"She is a different person," Lizzie said. "We both are."\par
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\par
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He laughed. It was a good laugh, unguarded. "Fair enough."\par
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\par
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There was a crash in the pool behind them and Derek's voice emerged from the water and several people yelled and the music shifted to something louder and Will glanced at the pool and then back at her and said, with apparent genuine curiosity, "Hannah said Lord of the Rings. Like the books or the\u8212?"\par
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\par
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"The books," Lizzie said, faster than she meant to. "The books are\u8212? the movies aren't out yet, so. The books."\par
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\par
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"Right." He nodded. He had the look, she realized, of someone who was actually going to continue this. "Okay, question then. Tom Bombadil. You think he should have gone to the Council of Elrond?"\par
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\par
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The question hit her so directly in the center of something she'd genuinely thought about that she lost, briefly, the thread of being nervous. "No," she said. "Because he wouldn't have taken the Ring seriously and they'd all have been standing around having an existential crisis while he was singing about the river." She paused. "But I think he should have sent a message. A message would have been appropriate."\par
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\par
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Will stared at her.\par
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\par
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"What?" she said.\par
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\par
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"Nobody says that," he said. "That's\u8212? nobody says the message thing."\par
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\par
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"It's the obvious gap," Lizzie said, because it was, it absolutely was, Tolkien leaves it completely unaddressed, Bombadil simply does not engage with the council at all, there's no indication he even knows it's happening\u8212?\par
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\par
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"Okay, but he pulls them out of Old Man Willow\u8212?" Will started.\par
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\par
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"Which he only does because they happened to be in his territory\u8212?"\par
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\par
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"But that's\u8212? wait, so you think he's purely reactive?"\par
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\par
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"I think he's the oldest thing in the world and he operates by completely different logic and I think Gandalf knew better than to invite him because the invitation itself would have required him to care\u8212?"\par
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\par
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The Hayes cousins crashed into the shallow end together and the wave came over the lip of the pool and ran cold across the deck and hit both their feet and Lizzie looked down at the water spreading over the sun-warmed concrete and Will laughed again and she looked up and the party was loud and bright around them and she thought, with one small, private part of her mind: she could close the book later.\par
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\par
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### NOTES\par
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Early evening, Friday, mid June, 2000. Emma's birthday.\par
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\par
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### BRIEF\par
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This scene is told in third person from the viewpoint of Emma Hayes.\par
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Emma Hayes, wearing her almost too skimpy red sequined bikini, stood in front of a two tiered birthday cake while her thirty closest friends sang Happy Birthday. She was quite sure she was dead and had gone to heaven. Tears dripped down her lovely face. Someone took a flash photo and all she could see were the afterglow of the brilliant light. She blew out the candles and everyone applauded. Nothing could ever top this moment. Ever.\par
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Well, almost. She\u8217?d blown out the candles but not one of the boys had kissed her. She wanted to be kissed, but which boy should it be? There were so many possibilities. She would have to consider which one she would kiss good night, since none had stepped up and given her a kiss yet. Of course, her very protective father was right there, keeping an eye out. Perhaps that\u8217?s why none of the boys had done their duty and kissed her. She might have to be sneaky to get a proper kiss. Surely God could forgive one little kiss on her birthday!\par
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Someone handed her a knife and she cut the first piece, almost like she was a bride at a wedding, but then her mother took it from her hand. Elikapeka and Susan quickly formed a cake cutting team and it was only minutes later than everyone had a piece. The cake was awesome, chocolate with pink and white buttercream icing. It was so freaking great. It was all great. But she still wanted that kiss.\par
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Out of the corner of her eye she saw her sister with a cute boy she barely knew. What was his name? Oh, yeah, Will. She saw them talking, laughing, and her sister touched his hand. What the heck! Her sister was doing better in the boy department than she was! Her nerdy, bookish sister!\par
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\par
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### DIRECTIVE\par
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Expand to a maximum of 1500 words. Keep it sweet and sentimental.\par
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\par
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### SCENE\par
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} |